The next day, I asked if that little black doggie had visited again.
” I questioned, knowing he struggled with names including my own. ” I suggested, picking a name that sounded as queen like as Victoria. “No” said Honey, hoping to end the conversation quickly, though these conversations have a way of continuing.
I have no time to formulate my lies and excuses about this expenditure as I am caught by surprise. The bank has thrown me off my game, played the ace, eaten my last cookie.
I mean it won’t be long before Honey can probably see via a secret car camera hidden in the rearview mirror that I have a bag of licorice allsorts stuffed beside the car seat with a moolicious mocha mango smoothie in the cup holder and a Jelly Bellies bag with only the yucky root beer beans left .
I plead for banks and the government to foster mutual respect in a marriage – he must respect my secrets and I will respect his silence about my secrets. So I safely chose the middle of the range of street numbers that the GPS offered.
But her weight whittled down to 17.2 pounds- two months later she was a mere 16.5 pounds.
My keep-to-the-left ideology was not working all that well, and the road signs and buildings seemed to place us in the wrong county, though thankfully still in the right state. I am talking about the rash on my finger under my rings. “It didn’t match my silver jewelry anyway, honey, so maybe we can replace it with a silver and gold two colored number” Honey doesn’t come from the school of matching jewelry of which I am head cheerleader. He looked like he had been attacked with pepper spray.
It seems that when I removed them to cure the rash, I put them in the pocket of my dark red cranberry purse. Except for buying the house and that dark red rug, we hadn’t spent so much money, so fast. Luck of the devil if that first wedding band didn’t surface about three months later amongst the collection of coins I scooped from my purse into the coin can. by my calculations, I should make about 80 cents a week, given the fact that all but eight readers will delete my ditties when they arrive in their Inbox with an invoice.
If I told Honey everything I did, knew or thought, our marriage would crumble from the massive evidence of my disagreeable behaviour.
And the government and banks aren’t working work with me on this either. One of the requirements of applying for a green card is that you have to have a medical exam done by a civil surgeon who, because he arrives late to our 8 am appointment, is in fact an uncivil civil surgeon in my view.